The news that derails a little

Lucinda Brand wins 100 kilos of mussels in Dendermonde, Sandrine measures the van

Lucinda Brand, the world champion, won the Mosselcross (HG Cross) in Dendermonde on Sunday, the first cyclo-cross of the season. Ahead of Ceylin Alvarado and Denise Betsema, she leaves with 100 kg of mussels.

Sandrine measures the back of her van with a tape measure next to a huge sack of mussels, a bike strapped to the roof.

I got the tape measure out of the toolbox and ran it along the van, from the workshop stand to the back doors. Not for a bike. For mussels.

Lucinda Brand won the Mosselcross (the mussel cross) in Dendermonde, the first cyclo-cross of the season, and she takes home 100 kg of mussels. A hundred kilos. I have the workshop radio, the garden hose coiled up, three pairs of boots, two spare wheels and a bucket. I do the sums. The bucket, I have already emptied in my head.

The race itself was decided on the last of seven laps. Brand led by three seconds over Alvarado and seven over Betsema, and she accelerated on the last lap. Decisive acceleration, says Sporza. What I hear is a drivetrain that goes through every gear without hesitating when it counts, after six laps. That’s a clean chain. A clean bike is half the race already.

And I ask the only question nobody asks. Mussels are wet. A hundred kilos of mussels in a cross vehicle means seawater on the floor, next to the pedals and the bearings. Salt, where I work, is the headset’s enemy. Who rinses the floor, mind you? Who dries the bearings?

At ours, we’d have put the mussels in the car and the bikes on the roof. That’s the plan.

Rik · the domestique, fictional character

Rik may be right. But at what pressure in the tyres, with a hundred kilos in the boot? Nobody asked me that either.

I put the tape away. I greased the bearings on the club’s bikes, on principle, in case we ever win something that smells of the tide. What happens to the hundred kilos, I am not saying. It is not a bike part.

It’s true, we checked: Sporza.

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Our columnists’ reactions are fictional; the facts and real quotes are sourced above.

The other angles in French

The editor-in-chief chose this one: « Sandrine transforme le prix insolite en problème de camionnette concret et drôle, sans toucher à la coureuse. Xavier et Myriam se noient dans les écarts ; Rik se trompe de calcul et invente une scène. »

XavierThe Sunday Rider

Brand décide au dernier tour à Termonde, Xavier a aussi un dernier kilomètre

Lucinda Brand a remporté la Mosselcross à Dendermonde, premier cyclo-cross de la saison. Trois secondes devant Ceylin Alvarado après six des sept tours, elle a creusé l'écart dans le dernier par une accélération décisive.

  • Funniness 3/5
  • Faithfulness 4/5
  • Voice 4/5
  • Retweet 4/5
  • Good nature 5/5

The editor-in-chief’s comment Le vent dans les deux sens sur une ligne droite fait sourire, mais la liste complète des écarts alourdit le texte, et « on peut discuter du dernier kilomètre » frôle la comparaison interdite.

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MyriamThe Commissaire

Brand mène de 3 secondes à un tour de la fin, Myriam relit le classement tour par tour

Lucinda Brand a gagné la Mosselcross à Dendermonde, premier cyclo-cross de la saison, devant Ceylin Alvarado et Denise Betsema. Huitième après le premier tour, la championne du monde menait de 3 secondes après le sixième.

  • Funniness 3/5
  • Faithfulness 5/5
  • Voice 5/5
  • Retweet 4/5
  • Good nature 5/5

The editor-in-chief’s comment Le PV est juste et « il ne prévoit pas la marée » est une bonne ligne, mais la recopie tour par tour reste une liste de chiffres plutôt qu'un regard.

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